My thoughts and reflections from today's quiet time caused me to look back to a difficult time in my life. As I thought about it, I realized it happened exactly 4 years ago today - June 30th, 2005.
While living what I thought to be God's will, gloriously content and immersed in my dream work, my life was suddenly and painfully disrupted. I left my work, friends, and the area where I was living in a cloud of disgrace without the freedom to clear my name.
I don't think about it much anymore - the memories still bring pain, confusion, and regret. Yet, today they were also accompanied by the proof in my life of my Redeemer's goodness and faithfulness to me. He pulled me out of what I thought was excellent, and brought me into something better. You've heard the expression "When God closes a door, He always opens a window". I felt then that God had closed my door. But now I see that He drew me away from the window through which I was observing abundant life and showed me the door through which to live it.
A woman involved in that painful time told me that she knew God has a reason for all that He allows. She asked me to let her know if I ever learned what His reason was for this situation - even if it was 10 years later. Oh, I wish I could know the reason, but I still don't. But here's what I know: God loves me and He wants to give me life- fuller, richer, and more abundant than what I can imagine.
I want to learn to trust Him more. I want my first reaction to be trust in Him. I hope that, next time He closes my window, I can follow Him out the door with joy and thankfulness, knowing He's bringing me to something better.
My baby boy turns one today! There is no way I could summarize the thoughts and feelings of this day - and the past year. Let me just say that it's been the most fulfilling, most joyous year of my life so far. Challenging, at times, but those times were a drop in the bucket of the laughs, fun, pure pride and joy of this first year with Logan!
Then and now: Logan napping
Then and now: Logan in his "elephant chair"
Then and now: our happy little family
Then and now: playtime with Dad
Then and now: playtime on the floor
Then and now: in the river
Then and now: in Mama's chair
Oh, how you've grown and oh, how I look forward to what your next year holds.
Just a quick Mother's Day post: two poems I thought were sweet and a few pictures. I'm supposed to be heading over to the family gathering but Logan is still sleeping so I'm celebrating Mother's Day by being a good mother and making him a priority.
Song for a Fifth Child.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth, Empty the dustpan, poison the moth, Hang out the washing, make up the bed, Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking? She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue, Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo. Dishes are waiting and bills are past due Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue? Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
-Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
(This, incidentally, is the reason I don't post on here quite so much anymore. New priorities - and I love them!)
BEFORE I WAS A MOM:
Author Unknown
Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted And never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.
Before I was a Mom I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on Pooped on Spit on Chewed on Peed on Or pinched by tiny fingers
Before I was a Mom I had complete control of: My thoughts My body And my mind. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child So that doctors could do tests Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces When I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small Could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small Could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay I had never known the warmth The joy The love The heartache The wonder Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
That line about having your heart outside your body put into words what I had not previously been able to express. It's a vulnerable feeling - having so much of your life wrapped up in a completely separate body, and one with it's own free will! I think God looks at us the same way - "I love you so much! Please be careful. Please make wise choices. Because when you suffer, I suffer and when you get hurt, it hurts me."
So you know how grandma-types are just crazy about babies and little kids? And not just their own either, it extends to everyone's little ones. Now that I'm a mom, that makes more sense to me. No matter how much work, how little sleep, how "inconvenient" kids are - it's worth being able to pick up a little body for a snuggle whenever you want it. There's something so comfortable, so comforting, so right about holding a tiny person in your arms. It's kind of addicting. So then the sweet little bundles grow up, get too big or too heavy or too old for your lap, and eventually move away. I imagine that creates a terrible withdrawal. Hence, the grandma-types. I'm sure I'll be one eventually too.
My own grandma has been going through papers, trying to clean out her files. She's passed on to me lots of things to read about children and parenting. Some I've kept, some I've thrown away, and some I'm going to share with you. There are about 863 cool things, but I won't write them all down - at least not in this post. That's why I called this one part one.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Think, Love, Act, Trust "Four things a man must learn to do if he would make his record true; To think without confusion clearly; To love his fellowmen sincerely; To act from honest motives purely; To trust in God and heaven securely." -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Boy to His Dad To get his goodnight kiss he stood beside my chair one night And raised an eager face to me, a face with love alight. And as I gathered in my arms the son God gave to me, I thanked the lad for being good, and hoped he'd always be. His little arms crept 'round my neck and then I heard him say Four simple words I can't forget - four words that made me pray. They turned a mirror on my soul, on secrets no one knew. They startled me, I hear them yet; he said, "I'll be like you." -Herbert Parker from Farmers' Almanac ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If You Will Not Teach Your Children If you neglect to instruct your children in the way of holiness, will the devil neglect to instruct them in the way of wickedness? No; if you will not teach them to pray, he will teach them to curse and lie. If ground be uncultivated, weeds will spring. -John Flavel
We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest; Yet oft we deal a thoughtless blow to those we love the best. -Riverside Reflections
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This next one left me amazed at how the world has changed and wondering what would happen if such a publication were circulated today. This was an insert, probably with a bank statement or something, from Coast Federal Savings and Loan Association - "If it's safety you want most, open your savings account at Coast." Yes, I am going to type out every word on this paper because I can hardly believe it's real.
Twelve Rules For Raising Delinquent Children - Issued by the Police Department of Houston, Texas 1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. 2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him, This will make him think he's cute. It will also encourage him to pick up "cuter" phrases that will blow off the top of your head later. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him "decide for himself." 4. Avoid use of the word "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around - books, shoes, and clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibilities on others. 6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silver-ware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage. 7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later. 8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them? 9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration. 10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child. 11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything for him." 12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it. (***allow me a brief editorial note - I doubt whoever wrote this up had any idea how many people would adopt his set of rules. Did he know these children would soon be called "normal", as "delinquent" is not a very flattering term? Also note that he uses 'he' and 'him', not feeling the need to alternate genders with each rule as we commonly see now. end editorial note***) This is a reprint from "Economic Intelligence", August 1959, published by Chamber of Commerce of the United States. Other inserts in this series available free upon request: 12 Rules for Raising Responsible Children 12 Legal Duties and Rights of Parents to Their Children A Way to Earn More Is to Learn More M/T? The Focus of the Juvenile Court... M/T? There Is Such a Thing As a Bad Boy Economics for Boys and Girls To The Future Leaders of Our Country Child Labor Laws Prevent Children From Working Legally
Distributed as a public service by Additional copies available from Coast Federal Savings' Free Enterprise Department 9th & Hill, Los Angeles, CA 90014 623-1351
(***wow! The public service papers I receive sure don't cover topics like that!***) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fortunes from our last dinner at the Mongolian Grill:
Morgan: "You have executive ability. Apply this in the future!" (We already knew that. He's applied it in the past.)
Me: "Listen these next few days to your friends to get answers you seek." (If I could remember now when it was that we went out, I could remember whether this came true...)
Logan: "Now is the time for peace in your life. Go along with other's ideas." (Someone has been listening in on our nap and bedtime training sessions )
Thanks to everyone who encouraged or prayed for me after reading my last post. I had some serious, deep conversing with God and Morgan and feel like my priorities have been realigned in such a way that I won't always feel behind. The last weeks have been more relaxed and happy. I've been able to really drink in my rich abundant life.
I always have a list of things to write about, but I'm feeling like a fresh slate, so I'm not going to write about any of them. I'll just leave you with a few recent pictures.
Here we are at an Australia Days party.
Morgan and me playing foosball with another couple. We had already played 3 games against each other, 1-on-1, all of which Morgan won.
There was a woman there who is getting into photography. Naturally, she noticed the extraordinary good looks and charm of our son and gave him a little photo shoot. I really enjoyed the shots she got.
This is from his spot on the floor, watching Mom and Dad play foosball.
And this is the classic "ooh, is that a camera? Can I have it?" look.
)
